Baby or Bust???

Let's start off by saying I'm NOT like most girls. As a young girl I was like most and played house with my best friend and acted as if I were the mother, however that never really turned over into real life for me. I have told my family and friends since I was child that I never wanted to have kids, ironic considering I was just a kid myself. At the time it was because I thought they were annoying and needy, something I never wanted to deal with. As I got a littler older I realized kids need you there to support them and teach them right from wrong, but now I was dealing with the fact of having Cystic Fibrosis and what complications a women can have trying to get pregnant and having a baby. Then I told myself and everyone around me that I really was NEVER going to have kids because it was all just too much for a person like myself. Well now here I am almost 23 years old and the question still remains is having a baby right for me? Let's just say I'm not getting any younger and the debate still perseveres. I constantly have so many questions running through my mind. "I'm young and healthy enough now, just have a baby now, but I'm not financially stable and it's not the right timing in my life, but what if I wait too long, what if it comes to a point where I'm not as healthy and I am unable to sustain my health through the pregnancy? Is it too late? What if the man I'm with is a carrier of the CF gene? Then what? If I do have a baby, how will I manage to keep my health in tip top perfection and a child's health as well, and all the other daily activities that have to get done? Well that's what a husband is for right? But I refuse to have a baby with Cystic Fibrosis, how can one be so selfish knowing that she is going to have a kid with CF and continue with the process? I know what I have been through with this disease and I don't wish it upon anyone. How could I watch my child grow up in pain, knowing I did this to my child? OK, so I have a kid CF free, what about the future? Will I be there to see my child have their first car, hold their first job, have their first heartbreak, graduate high school, and do I even dare to say it graduate college, get married and have kids of their own? How do I put my husband and kids through the pain of losing their mother/wife?" The questions never stop and the answers never come. So then I put myself in my mother's shoes and I realize the strength she has to stand by my side, watching every hospitalization, surgery and disappointment that has come my way and she has always looked at the positive side of things in every situation. So do I simply cross my fingers and hope for the best knowing the worst? I always tell myself though that if it can be prevented then why not prevent creating a disease, or prevent heartbreak? I guess what I'm trying to answer for myself is having a baby for a Cystic Fibrosis women a selfish decision?  I don't believe I will ever find the answer to that question, however I do believe that what's meant to be will be.