I choose to be HAPPY!

The idea for this blog hit me earlier in the week but I just haven't have time to get my thoughts on paper (computer) till now. The past 7-8 months have been a world wind and have sent me on a soul searching  adventure for what I really want in and out of life and the answer seemed simple enough. I just want to be happy. Seems fair right? Everyone says it, but do they mean it? Do they strive for it? Do they try to be happy? What I have realized about myself, others, and life in general may be a no brain to some while others still struggle with the concept. The real simplicity of just being in a state of happiness. How does one accomplish such a state of being? It takes work, constant effort, and true peace with ones self to get to this point. What I have realized is that while my world was falling apart in front of my eyes, it was just the start of me being able to build a better life for myself, an empire, and a world that no one could touch or destroy but myself. I was fighting to hold on and I was fighting to let go. But when I finally let go I started to get happy, not all at once and not a flood of happiness occurred, but a few days at a time things got easier, life became enjoyable again, events become something I looked forward to instead of what I dreaded. I could go on about what I went through and how it changed me and to some extend I have in previous blogs, although getting back to this week, I woke up on Monday morning chipper as could be, happier than a pig in shit, and more excited than a little kid on Christmas morning. You would have thought I won the lottery, except I did. Just not the millions of dollars everyone is thinking about. I won the happy lottery. I won the battle within myself, the battle so many fight and loose. I finally came to the conclusion that I hold the key to my happiness, not the others that surround me from day, not my friends, not my family, not my significant other, and not by boss. I have the choice to be happy, sad, miserable, excited, fun, boring, passionate, and so on. With the constant struggles, stresses, and pressures that society throws at us and on us every minute of every hour of every day its no wonder that more than half of the population suffers from depression and other mental health illnesses. However, waking up and telling yourself that you will be happy today, you will smile through the bullshit and you will share your smile with those that are down can and will change your whole day. What am I getting at? I'm getting to the point that happiness is a choice, its hard, its not easy, its draining, and sometimes forceful, but it can be done. It is so much easier  and takes less work to just be unhappy and unpleasant but who wants to be around you when you are like that? I bet sometimes you cant even stand yourself when you act that way. Whats this all mean? It means SMILE, be happy, make the effort to be happy, to be fun, to share your spirit with others. If it was easy everyone would do it, but its not, that's why there are more unpleasant than pleasant people in this world today. You have a choice everyday you wake up to either make it the best day or the worse day. Make it the best day and start off with a simple kind thought to yourself that will surely put a smile on your face. You and only you are responsible for your happiness, your attitude, your mood, and your state of emotions. I bet if more people started looking at themselves for happiness rather than others to supply them with happiness, more people would have smiles on their faces.

Look at me LIVING!!!

As everyone knows it is Valentine's Day and I am flying solo. First time in a long while might I add, but none the less single. I am not bitter, I am not mad, I don't wish for delivered flowers at my desk, or even a dinner date. For I have had a great Valentine's Day thus far. Lunch with my amazing sister and a night full of ME stuff.  Like most these days before bed last night I skimmed through Facebook, Pintrest, and Twitter. A quote caught my eye that I have not been able to get out of my mind today. "Hey, remember that person you thought you couldn't live without? Well, look at you, living and shit." Simple yet so deep. Those that have read my last blog will completely understand why this quote has stuck. For months and months I didn't think I was going to make it out alive, I didn't think I was ever going to smile again, I didn't think I was ever going to be able to look at another couple and be happy for them. BUT here I am. Smiling daily, making plans, reaching goals, and most importantly being happy with myself, my whole self again. As this holiday rolls around once a year many dread it and many ruin it for those that believe in it. However, this year is different for me. I am able to look at this holiday through a different lens. The lens of an older, wiser, and more patient woman. The realization that I am damn happy for those couples out there that can't get enough hugs, kisses, and time with that special person they share their life with. The ability to walk into every store and see their Valentine's isles and hope that each guy and gal are picking that perfect card that explains how they feel inside. Because for once I finally realize that I am where I am meant to be in life. Where months ago I didn't have the slightest clue as to why my life was going to HELL, it was so I could build it back to be the exact way I want it to be today. Filled with friends that have never left my side even after spending 3 years in another state, family that has stood to be proven as my backbone when I have lost mine, and a determined soul that God keeps pushing towards his forever shinning light. Because here I am living and shit without that person that I made my everything. Now this time I have made myself my everything and things are falling perfectly into place. Because there is nothing better for a woman to have than her shit together.

Happy Valentine's Day!!!!

What does it take for someone to realize life is a gift?

What has it taken for you to realize life is a gift? Have you even realized that yet? Are you just waiting till your OLDER to realize it? Or is this something only a select few get the pleasure of experiencing? I suppose there is no real answer. Although I can say that this is something my friends and I have been talking about lately. It seems as though we all have had something happen to us in the past year that has made us ditch our old ways and create new ones. 2013 was one HELL of a year for me and its ending followed suit. Death, deceit, betrayal, neglect, hurt, and abandonment are just a few words to sum up my 2013. But what was 2013 for you? Was it filled with happiness, joy, passion, love, and new beginnings? No matter what we experience and at any age we begin to wonder why? Why me? Why now? God soon provides the answers you are looking for if you pay attention. For me, it took attempting to commit suicide to change my life. To look at my past and realize it was my past. To realize my past didn't define the woman I was. To realize the mistakes I made were not mistakes at all but learning curves. To realize that I survived because there was something bigger headed my way. (As if surviving CF wasn't a wake up call enough). What has it taken you to realize this? One friend mentioned, "It took every ounce of respect I had for myself to be lost." While another friend mentioned he had a collapsed lung that changed his point of view on life. Whatever it may be it all happens for a reason. It's our goal to figure that reason out, accept it, move past it, and make the one life we have better. So after something that impacts your life so much that you actually ditch your old ways, how do you create new ones? I looked at myself and simply said, "You are better than what you have been. This is your year!" That being said I had to painfully critique myself on what I was doing wrong in my life, the bad things about me, the faults I wasn't fully accepting, and the lies I kept telling myself. I realized I had hit rock bottom and there was seriously no way out but up. I created a HUGE list. A list of things I wanted to become, the traits I wanted to have, and the type of person I wanted to be. I am happy to say I am working very hard to be the type of person everyone wants to know and be around.o make yOnce something so catastrophic happens in your life it's not meant to just be left alone in the past. It is meant to change us. Allow it to change you. Allow it tou grow. Grow in ways you never knew were possible. While there are holidays such as Valentine's Day, Thanksgiving, and Christmas to remind us to take care of the ones we love and to be kind to strangers I am a firm believer that it shouldn't take a holiday to have to remind you to tell someone you love them. As well as it shouldn't take a near death experience for you to realize life is a gift. That it should be treated with respect, pride, and the excitement of moving forward towards your dream. While you sit and wonder what has happened to you to make you realize this or you are wondering when/ if this will ever happen to you. I encourage you to simply send an "I love you" text to someone you couldn't go a day without, give a hug to your mom the next time you see her for no reason, hold the door for a complete stranger, and let someone in front of you the next time you are stuck in traffic... YES, let that one person in. The race is long. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes your behind but in the end its only with yourself. 

I will leave you with one of my most favorite quotes that helps me push through my hard days.

"The best has yet to come" 

If we give up now well never our best!!! Make 2014 your year, to appreciate, to give, to live, and to love.