Counting sheep...1,2,3....

Well this has nothing to do with CF or anything of importance at the moment, I simply can't sleep. Could have been from the Mountain Dew I had almost 8 hours ago or it could be because of all the random thoughts I have running around in my mind. I hate to talk myself up, but I'm always thinking about anything and everything. The future, my past and right now. What will happen tomorrow and how today went. This weekend was filled with fun and friends. My mom texted me Friday and asked me what my plans were for the weekend, after I explained her response was, "Live your life!" I responded, "I always do, there's no greater time than now." I am constantly on the go and enjoying my life, I stop for nothing or anyone, could be a bad characteristic but I seem to enjoy it. I know why I like to stay busy and why I love to explore the world, two words Cystic Fibrosis. I am blessed to say and turn around the term "disease". I have never let it hold me back, never used it as an excuse, nor thought of myself as any different than anyone else. I've only used it to better myself and my future. It's given me an upper hand on others and an outlook on life that no one but another person in my shoes could begin to understand. I've learned that life is a gift and our time here is only limited so take each moment as it comes, learn life's lesson, follow your heart and live with every chance, moment and breath you have left. Every person you meet has a purpose and it's important to understand their meaning to your life. WOW!! So I guess this did really turn out to be more than just about nonsense, sorry for the word vomit. I guess what I'm trying to say is "Live your life, because no one else can, follow your heart and have no regrets"

Baby or Bust???

Let's start off by saying I'm NOT like most girls. As a young girl I was like most and played house with my best friend and acted as if I were the mother, however that never really turned over into real life for me. I have told my family and friends since I was child that I never wanted to have kids, ironic considering I was just a kid myself. At the time it was because I thought they were annoying and needy, something I never wanted to deal with. As I got a littler older I realized kids need you there to support them and teach them right from wrong, but now I was dealing with the fact of having Cystic Fibrosis and what complications a women can have trying to get pregnant and having a baby. Then I told myself and everyone around me that I really was NEVER going to have kids because it was all just too much for a person like myself. Well now here I am almost 23 years old and the question still remains is having a baby right for me? Let's just say I'm not getting any younger and the debate still perseveres. I constantly have so many questions running through my mind. "I'm young and healthy enough now, just have a baby now, but I'm not financially stable and it's not the right timing in my life, but what if I wait too long, what if it comes to a point where I'm not as healthy and I am unable to sustain my health through the pregnancy? Is it too late? What if the man I'm with is a carrier of the CF gene? Then what? If I do have a baby, how will I manage to keep my health in tip top perfection and a child's health as well, and all the other daily activities that have to get done? Well that's what a husband is for right? But I refuse to have a baby with Cystic Fibrosis, how can one be so selfish knowing that she is going to have a kid with CF and continue with the process? I know what I have been through with this disease and I don't wish it upon anyone. How could I watch my child grow up in pain, knowing I did this to my child? OK, so I have a kid CF free, what about the future? Will I be there to see my child have their first car, hold their first job, have their first heartbreak, graduate high school, and do I even dare to say it graduate college, get married and have kids of their own? How do I put my husband and kids through the pain of losing their mother/wife?" The questions never stop and the answers never come. So then I put myself in my mother's shoes and I realize the strength she has to stand by my side, watching every hospitalization, surgery and disappointment that has come my way and she has always looked at the positive side of things in every situation. So do I simply cross my fingers and hope for the best knowing the worst? I always tell myself though that if it can be prevented then why not prevent creating a disease, or prevent heartbreak? I guess what I'm trying to answer for myself is having a baby for a Cystic Fibrosis women a selfish decision?  I don't believe I will ever find the answer to that question, however I do believe that what's meant to be will be.

Training, Training, Training.....

It's all about the training!!!

About two weeks ago I signed up for a half marathon! Pretty exciting I know. I have always wanted to do a marathon, something to cross off my bucket list if you know what I mean. I decided to start small, simply to see how my body would accept the stress of training, along with the other daily stressors of my life, including working a full-time job and my other full-time job CF. So far so good. I have heard a lot of CF patients say that they can't do much during the day and when they do a small chore or errand they get down right exhausted. I am blessed to say that has not happened to me yet. I have hopes that it will never happen to me. Training my body for this marathon gives me the motivation and hope that I need to keep CF a step behind. This marathon has also given me a new outlook on daily medications. I know that if I am not healthy I will not be able to complete this marathon much less participate. I am a goal driven girl and if I set my mind to something I always achieve my goal. This is no different. Doing my daily medications and treatments has become more of a priority for me, because I am seeing results. I am seeing results when I run and seeing results in my overall health. It's all about the training, a few weeks ago treatments were sparatic and done on a need be basis, but I have also been training myself with my daily treatments as well. Getting into a routine really helps me get through the day. And at the end of the day I know that I have accomplished something, more than what I did the previous day and I know that tomorrow I will accomplish more than I have today.

I'm new to this !!!

Well this is my first blog post and I have to admit that I am very thrilled about it. I am intrigued about my posts and excited for the comments that will soon come in one by one (well at least I hope so). I decided to start my own blog both for personal venting and in hopes to help others like me with Cystic Fibrosis. I do not want CF to define who I am and how I live my life but the truth is that CF is my life and I do base my activities and future goals on the few limitations CF has put on me. However, CF never limits my mind, it may put extra stress on my body but my mind can overcome most body issues and I am living proof that determination and hard work can over come most obstacles.

I wish I had started a blog years ago when I was going through the hardest times of my life. Simply to get feed back from others that may have been going through the same things I was, however I am excited to know that I now have an online diary, that others can comment on.